


And Then There Were Three

by missnoona



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Dirty Talk, F/M, Jealousy, Masturbation, Multi, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, Pining, Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Smut, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:01:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23881954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missnoona/pseuds/missnoona
Summary: You're a new staff member at Starship, and it doesn't take long before you strike up a secret tryst with Changkyun. Little do either of you know, someone else is watching from the sidelines and wants a part in the passion.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Reader, Lee Jooheon/Reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1

The electricity took you by surprise, the jolt ran through you from the moment you made eye contact across the room at the company party. You thought it was a fluke at first, he was just handsome in person and that was all. The second, third, and fourth time you found his eyes it happened again and again and only got stronger, and from the way he looked back at you each time, you knew he felt it, too.

When you were formally introduced, he averted his eyes as he shook your hand, but a knowing smile played upon his lips.

You started to chat, casually. You knew who he was, of course. It was part of the job to know who he was, but even prior to that you were aware. Despite this, he was alarmingly normal, at least in comparison to the other idols you had worked with. They were either young and nervous, or had a head too big to carry on their own shoulders. He was somewhere in the middle, like an everyday guy you might meet on a Friday night. He seemed interested in getting to know you.

"I like to know all the staff." He was quick to say, in case you thought something else of it.

"Well that's good," You nodded, "Because I like to know the talent."

You cast him a sideways glance, and maybe you had meant that to be as flirtatious as it sounded. He grinned back in response.

2 hours later he had you up against the wall inside a hotel room.

His kisses were fervent, and you clutched at his clothing as you tried to keep up. He pulled back and panted against your mouth.

"I don't usually do this."

You laughed. "Neither do I."

This was wrong on so many levels. You had just gotten this job, you had just met this man who no doubt would be in a world of trouble with both his company and the general public if this got out. You didn't do one-night stands, much-less with famous dudes you met at work parties.

But there was no denying the instant chemistry, the heat that radiated off his skin and warmed you up from the inside out. The way he looked at you, that deep voice, his hands now searing down your sides to your hips as he sank his teeth into your neck, all of it too much and not enough at the same time, and you weren't going to stop anytime soon.

Usually it took you awhile to get comfortable with someone enough to be intimate with them, at least a couple dates, but none of that mattered here as he tore and tugged your clothing off and pressed you back into the bed. When he was on top of you, you pushed his dark hair out of his face and gazed up at him, biting your bottom lip and nodding in approval before he sank himself inside you. You gasped, eyes fluttering closed as he took his time working you up, burying his face in your neck and groaning low against your skin.

You built up sweat and rhythm, and you didn't know if it was just the craziness of it all or him, but it felt amazing. What took other lovers months to learn, he caught on to within minutes, following your sounds and reactions with his hands and hips, doing it again and again when he found it.

You clawed his shoulders and bowed back as your orgasm hit you like a tidal wave, and he followed suit, moaning as his thrusts stuttered to a stop.

You caught your breath and came to your senses, cleaning up but in no rush to go anywhere. Regret started to set in, just a little bit. It was hard to feel too guilty, though.

Changkyun pulled his shirt back over his head and sat down on the bed next to you, where you fixed your own clothing and let out a nervous laugh.

"I know I already said this but really, I don't-"

"I believe you," He cut you off, "It was weird, right?" He laughed, running a hand through his hair and staring at the ground.

"Weird in a good way," You shrugged.

"Oh, definitely."

You laughed again before it was silent for awhile.

"We probably shouldn't let this get any further, I mean I just started this job and-" You fumbled over your words.

"I get it, trust me. It was a one time thing."

You nodded.

He walked you outside where you could catch a ride back home. It was awkward for a moment, not sure how to end it, and decided to meet in the middle for a hug. You left feeling okay with everything. It was fun and adventurous, but that was all. At least, that's what you initially thought.

You tried your best to keep your distance, but it became almost impossible when you realized just how much you had to be around him. You were in the thick of it as a staff member, at most music shows, interviews, and engagements. Luckily you were usually too busy running around like a chicken with its head cut off for it to affect your work, but every now and then you realized that the fire you initially had between you still burned bright.

It didn't help that he was naturally charming and kind of a flirt by way of personality alone. Add that to the fact he still seemed as attracted to you as you were to him, and it spelled trouble.

One such day, he was being more friendly than usual, and it left you flustered beyond reason every time you interacted with him. It got to the point where when you were off to the side, almost alone, you had to say something.

"Knock it off," You said, not looking at him as you fixed his jacket.

"What?" He asked innocently, and when you looked up at him he was smirking.

"You know what." You grumbled, and he laughed.

"Aww, come on." He said, pressing himself forward, closer to you. "You know this isn't easy for me, either."

His last comment sounded different, less joking and in a deeper tone. You weren't even able to focus on your task anymore, just mindlessly pulling at the strap on the jacket.

He reached up with one hand and ever so gently touched your jaw with the side of his finger. "You get prettier every time I see you, it makes it so hard to focus."

You swatted his hand away and glared at him. "Stop it."

"Fine." He said, but he was still smiling.

You didn't know how much longer you could deny it, the urge to throw caution to the wind and let him do whatever he wanted to you (again) was overwhelming. In all your life, you had never felt this way before, your brain clouded over by lust, to the point where even being in the same room with him was torture. You started to think there was something wrong with you, especially because as much as you told yourself your job came first, you had a hard time actually believing it.

You didn't know if it was better or worse that he seemed to feel the exact same way.

After a celebratory post-comeback dinner that weekend, everyone began to mingle about the restaurant, drinking and chatting in a relaxed, low-key way. You had just finished a conversation with a fellow employee and friend who walked away to get more drinks, leaving you temporarily alone in the corner. Changkyun took a chance to approach.

"Are you having a good time?" He asked, and you eyed him suspiciously. His tone seemed casual, but you had learned better about him.

"I am." You said simply, looking over his shoulder for your friend to come and save you from this situation.

"It's rude to look past people when they're talking to you." He said, taking a step closer.

"You need my full attention?" You asked as your eyes started to settle into a glare, but he only smiled.

"Now that you mention it," He pretended to think, "I'd like more than just your attention."

You lowered your voice and leaned forward. No one else was close by, but you didn't know if they could eavesdrop. "What are you doing?" You hissed, and he played dumb, per usual.

"I'm just having a conversation."

"I thought we agreed that it would be one time?"

He cocked his head to one side. "We did, and who is suggesting otherwise?"

You sighed, "Don't act stupid, you are clearly flirting with me."

He chuckled. "I didn't know some innocent flirting was an invitation to my bed."

You were getting frustrated, redness creeping up your neck and across your cheeks, trying to keep your composure between the suggestive way he spoke to you but also anger that he was toying with your emotions like this. You knew what he was up to, you weren't crazy.

"You are so....ugh," You pushed passed him, bumping his shoulder as you went, going outside for some fresh air. You didn't have time for mind games.

The restaurant patio was mostly empty, it was a chilly night. You leaned up against the wall outside and watched pedestrians stroll by, taking a few calming breaths, the cool air stinging your tightened lungs. Your whole body had a tendency to tense up when you were upset like this.

Just as you were starting to feel normal, Changkyun exited the back door, and you scowled as soon as you saw his face.

"Hey," He said softly, but you weren't going to let a sweet voice and puppy eyes affect you this time.

"Unless you came out here to bring me a drink, _bye_." You said, maybe being a little harsh but also knowing you didn't owe him your attention.

"I'm sorry," He said, deciding to ignore the snide comment. "I can get a little carried away with the teasing sometimes."

You crossed your arms and avoided eye contact. "You're forgiven," You said flatly, not sounding convincing.

"If you really want me to leave you alone, I will. I just thought you-" He stopped himself, "I'll leave you alone." He reiterated instead.

"It's not that I wanted you to leave me alone, it's just-" Now you stopped yourself, too, mostly to make a sound somewhere between a sigh and a huff. "I don't want you to mess with me like that unless you mean it."

Changkyun rubbed the back of his neck and let out an awkward laugh. "You were right earlier, I did say it should be a one time thing, but...I don't know. It's not like I really want to date anyone right now, for obvious reasons, but I also have a hard time staying away from you. I don't know why."

You blinked at the ground, nodding in agreement. "I get it. Like, I don't need a boyfriend right now but also I wouldn't mind you and I just-" You gestured vaguely into the air, because even you didn't understand it.

"Do you want to go home with me?" He asked suddenly, and you finally met his gaze. All the jokes and apprehension had melted away and he just stared in a way that made you forget how cold it was out here.

"Yes."

And so you had thrown that caution, chucked it right out the damn window. He lied about wanting to get back early to get some rest, the others assured him not to wait up because they'd probably be out late since it was so rare they got to do so. You slipped away a few minutes later, when everyone else was distracted by their conversations.

Being at the dorm felt taboo, especially since it was just the two of you and you were doing something you knew you shouldn't be, yet that also made it more exciting. He kissed you all the way to the bedroom, but unlike the first night he was in less of a rush.

With the door shut behind him, he took his time pulling away your clothing as you did his. His hands moved a little slower, more deliberate, first kneading your bare breasts before taking each one to his mouth, swirling his tongue in a way that made you arch your chest into him. He trailed his finger tips down the middle of your stomach to the waistband of your underwear and snapped it against your skin, smirking when you yelped. He continued over your mound to your clothed core and pressed the digits into your center, feeling your wetness moisten the fabric.

"Jesus," He breathed, "You are so wet."

You thought about how it was probably because you had wanted this so badly ever since the first time, and had touched yourself to thoughts of him for weeks after that, but instead all that left you was a shaky moan.

"I bet you thought about this a lot." He said smugly, as if he'd read your thoughts. He started to work over you in circles, and you hated that there was still a flimsy layer of cloth between your skin and his, but it was on purpose for him.

He came back up closer to your face, "I know I did." He said before consuming you in a kiss.

"Being around you all the time, having to stop myself from thinking about what it feels like to be inside you." He said quietly against your mouth as the kiss ended, his fingers still moving over your clit through the completely soaked fabric.

You mewled and raised your hips, quietly pleading for more. He took the hint, letting his two fingers slid down to pull your underwear to one side so they could stroke your folds, just outside your entrance. The digits glided with ease through your juices, and he reveled in the way you glistened on his skin. He groaned as he looked down between you, pausing to raise his hand to his mouth and taste you. He stared up at you as he did so, eyes glazed over with lust, and the sight made you suck in a lungful of air.

"Please," You said in a voice much higher than your typical one, giving him a desperate look that seemed to entice him further. He dipped down and buried his face between your thighs and you let out a sound of both surprise and pleasure, throwing your head back and threading your hands into his hair.

He lapped at your clit and along your folds, eagerly consuming every part of you, letting his prepped fingers find their way inside you during the process. You clawed at the pillow and rocked your hips into his face, riding every wave toward release, which hit you hard and had you whimpering and calling out his name.

He hardly gave you a seconds rest before he pulled himself up, shoved what little clothing he had left down, and sank himself inside your still throbbing core. He let out a deep, unsteady groan as you took all of him in, and he could feel the last pulses of your orgasm around his cock.

He just held himself there for a moment, eyes closed, panting and waiting for you to come down. Once your heart rate returned to normal, he opened his eyes and stared down at you as he pulled back and out, then slammed himself all the way back in.

You reached up for him on instinct, yelping at the jolt of his thrust, pleading with your eyes for him to do it again. When that wasn't enough, you spoke up.

"Fuck me." You said, digging your nails into his shoulders. "Fuck me as hard as you want."

He bowed forward and moaned at your words, unable to deny such a request. He worked himself up to a hard yet steady rhythm, and the bed creaked and swayed underneath you.

Still, you could tell he was holding back, the depth of his gaze a clear indication of that.

"Harder," You insisted, narrowing your eyes at him, one hand reaching over head to brace yourself against the headboard.

He fell forward, one of his hands circling your throat as he came down toward your face. "Are you sure?" He panted, more as a challenge than a question.

You nodded, eyes wide and needy, "I can take it."

He let out a breathless laugh, "I'm going to fucking ruin you."

With that, he curled into you, giving himself the leverage he needed to fuck you as hard as he was able to, the headboard now slamming incessantly into the wall, and it was a good thing there weren't any neighbors nearby, if not for that than for the sobs and wails that he elicited out of you. You didn't simply grip him now, but tore into his skin vicious red lines along his back and shoulders.

You felt something welling up inside you, but you didn't think it was actually possible. You had never orgasmed like this before, and especially not more than once in a night. You had always assumed you weren't able to, until now, when it was very obvious you were working your way toward that very thing. You tightened your thighs around his hips and your eyes slammed shut, and the hand around your throat gave one little squeeze before his thumb pushed over your jaw and chin.

"Are you going to come for me again?" He asked, switching up his pace to make sure his thrusts were deeper and more purposeful. "I can feel you swelling around my cock. How bad do you want it?"

He was such a merciless tease, that even in a time like this he could mentally torture you further, and you loved it.

You forced your eyes open and choked out a response. "So bad, please let me come."

He had total control over you, his motions slowing down just enough to keep you on the edge. "You're asking my permission?" He said with a devilish smirk. "Mm, I like that. Ask me again."

You felt like you were losing your mind, your body going through things it had never felt before, and yet you couldn't do anything about it, not unless you begged for it.

"Please, make me come. I want to come for you." You pulled at him, rolling your hips up and onto him in a way that made him moan out unexpectedly. He paused for a moment, the motion clearly taking him off-guard and almost making him lose it. In retaliation, he pulled your hands off him and pinned them back, slowly building up his pace again.

"Don't come until I tell you to," He growled, quickening his thrusts, pushing you toward the edge again. You flexed your fingers , tugging at your arms just to test it and letting out a hum of approval when you felt how tight his grip was.

You got back to the point of frenzy from before, only now it was much harder to keep quiet since you were fighting against your own instincts to let yourself go. Now your arms tugged of their own accord as you chanted "please, please,", not able to form any other words.

"You can come," He finally said, his voice strained as he neared his own end. "Come with me."

Your back arched as the orgasm hit you before he could even finish speaking. Unable to hold you down by your wrists, he instead threaded his fingers through yours and gripped your hands, moaning out his release against your neck, pressing himself all the way inside you and letting your inner muscles keep him there.

He fell against your trembling body and it took a long time for you both to feel coherent again. You were drenched in sweat and each others fluids, scratch marks long his skin and you flushed with redness around your neck and wrists.

You were mentally, emotionally, and physically spent, and yet more deeply satisfied in all arenas than you had been in years. After washing up, you both laid your weary bones back down on the bed, Changkyun holding you close and stroking your skin, soothing the parts of you he had been so rough with before.

"That was intense." He said after a long moment of quiet, and you let out a weak laugh.

"But I liked it," You added, and he nodded. "Me too,"

You talked a little longer, but eventually fell into a much needed sleep, and the next morning he snuck you out the front door.

This became more of a routine thing, that actually made working together much more bearable. You met up at least once a week to have mind-blowing sex that challenged you both in all your senses. Neither one of you understood exactly what it was, but you tried not to question it. The times you did talk about it, you decided it wasn't quite romantic but it wasn't just an easy lay either. It was something in-between, some kind of odd connection that relieved all your stress and opened up new thoughts and feelings. You decided not to think about it too much.

It, of course, had to be kept a secret, and the others were none the wiser.

Or so you thought.

Little did you know, someone from the sidelines had slowly come to see it. Maybe if it had been anyone else they wouldn't have noticed, but their burgeoning crush on you from the moment you signed on with the company made them painfully aware that something was going on.

Jooheon had seen the way the two of you talked, when all he had wanted to do was admire you from afar. At first he thought it was his imagination, something brought on by jealousy of how close you seemed. Yet, the longer he watched the more apparent it became. Changkyun could flirt, but he didn't look at everyone like that. Only you.

Jooheon tried his best to ignore it, but he burned up inside every single time. He had to grit his teeth and keep himself from falling into a sulk every time you even glanced at Changkyun with that dazed, dewy look in your eyes.

There was another layer underneath that basic emotion, though. He couldn't bring himself to be angry at his best friend, he adored him too much, and had developed a closeness to him that went beyond brotherhood. Thus, Jooheon felt a confusing dose of envy and want. He didn't just want you, he wanted whatever it was you two had.

He wanted to be apart of it.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Changkyun have been sneaking around for awhile now, unaware that Jooheon knows, and has very mixed feelings about it.

Sometimes you had a hard time believing you were the same person as before this all started.

You weren’t always cautious or unwilling to tiptoe on the side of danger now and then, but definitely never to this extent. For one, a friend with benefits had hardly ever interested you. Most of the men who wanted this set-up were not worth the trouble, and it seemed too messy partake it.

Leave it to you to choose the worst person your very first time out the gate.

Worst in the sense that he was probably the most high-risk choice you could have made. You worked together, and he was in far too much of the public eye. If anyone were to find out he had been screwing a staff member all this time, you would not only be fired, but probably blacklisted from every other company.

At times, you would come to your senses and tell him you couldn’t do this, and he would nod in agreement. Within days, sometimes even hours, you’d be right back underneath him.

You weren’t sure what caused the connection, it was almost metaphysical. Every nerve in your body cried out for him when you were near him, and it wouldn’t be satisfied until he touched you again. Even though it was all sexual, there was still a strange emotional bond there, too. He was thoughtful and interesting and whenever you spoke in times of vulnerability he just _got it_. And yet, you able to avoid all the pitfalls of romance and the pressures of a relationship because there were none. No jealousy, no disagreements, no arguments over not spending enough time together or meeting each others needs. You both only cared about your little pocket of time together, in which you made each other feel good, and that was that.

You were more paranoid than he about the potential fall-out of being caught. He assured you that if it happened, he’d find a way to talk you both out of it. You reminded him that this would be much worse for you, you would lose your livelihood, but he assured you he wouldn’t let that happen. He also reminded you that that was only if just the company found out. If it reached beyond that to the public, he would bare the brunt of misfortune.

You were both careful, but had been somewhat more lax around the other boys lately. He let you know that if they ever found out, they wouldn’t care. They all had to lie for each other every now and then, it was the only way to do what they did for a living and remain sane. They understood he had needs, just like they did.

No one seemed to notice, or care, except for one person. You thought it was all in your mind at first, the sideways glances that Jooheon gave you, especially if you had been near Changkyun at any point prior. You tried your best to appear neutral, but you wondered how well you were pulling it off.

Over time, you became convinced he had a suspicion, but you couldn’t decipher how he felt about it. He always looked like he wanted to say something, or that he was upset about it, but you didn’t know why. For someone so soft and happy most of the time, he really could get into some serious funks, the kind that made his features set harsh across his face, his voice deeper and sharper. It always sent a wave of anxiety over you, almost like you were afraid.

“Afraid of what?” Changkyun had laughed when you told him. “Why would he be mad about it?”

“I don’t know.” You said, wringing your hands together. “That’s just the vibe I get from him.”

“I haven’t noticed, I think you’re just imagining it.” He shrugged, then leaned down to where you sat and tapped your chin with his fingertips. “Stop worrying about it.”

“I can’t, what if he tells?”

He laughed again, shaking his head. “He wouldn’t do that. Besides, what does he have to be mad about? Unless…” He stopped for a moment, then glanced back at you and smirked. “Actually, that does make sense.”

“Unless what? What makes sense?” You asked urgently.

“Maybe he’s jealous?”

You blinked at him, furrowing your brow and shaking your head. “Jealous? I don’t know about that.”

Changkyun came closer, leaning over you, placing his hands on either side of the bench you sat on in the dressing room.

“Why not? Maybe he can tell. Maybe he knows you’re getting fucked by me and he wants some of that?” He said in a low-drawl, still smiling sly as he got closer to you. Your cheeks burned red hot and you looked away.

“Stop it,” You said meekly, placing a hand on his chest, half-halfheartedly pushing him back. “That’s just stupid.”

He nuzzled into your ear, “Is it? The way you bounce around here it was hard for me not to notice you, maybe he likes what he sees, too?”

You couldn’t help but giggle, from his breath on your neck and his words that made your whole body flush. It made you feel all sorts of new things you hadn’t before. Sure, you took notice of how attractive they _all_ were upon first meeting, but you had been so caught up in Changkyun lately you didn’t even have time to think about anyone else. 

Now that the seed had been planted in your mind it flashed images and thoughts of Jooheon in rapid succession. His pretty eyes, that could turn dark at a moment’s notice. His smile and his dimples and his sweet disposition. His pouty and intense moods which you knew hinted at a possessiveness and a passion about the people he cared for that was somehow both intimidating and wildly arousing.

“Maybe,” You managed to agree, scooting out of Changkyun’s grasp before it could get too serious. You were going to keep talking, but you noticed him giving you that look that indicated he had ceased to care about the conversation at hand and was now only thinking about you.

“Are you coming over later?” He asked, raking his eyes down your body. He already knew the answer.

That night unfolded as it always did, he was certain you were alone and he brought you into his shared room and locked the door. You were a mess of hands and kisses and bites, clothes falling or being torn down, panting and his dirty words in your ear. You rolled yourself on top of him and sank down on his length, pulling a groan from his chest. The bed creaked with every rock of your hips but you didn’t notice.

Jooheon noticed, though. He was in the room next door, laying in his bed staring up at the ceiling. Only a wall separated you and though he had been convinced for months now about what was going on, this was the first time it had been confirmed.

 _They must think no one is here_ , he thought to himself, swallowing a lump in his throat as he suddenly felt very warm and nervous, but he couldn’t move. He thought for a moment he was hearing things, or maybe it was a video, but when you moaned again it was clear as day and all the color drained from his face.

Worse yet, he was instantly aroused by what he heard. He had come to accept his crush on you long ago, but his fascination with your relationship with Changkyun was the part he had trouble with. He didn’t know why he was so intrigued by it, why it made him feel envious and angry and turned on all at the same time. There was just this heat and electricity that burned between you and Changkyun and he couldn’t look away, couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Jooheon sank his teeth into his cheek as he shifted and felt himself strain against the confines of his clothing. He thought about getting up and leaving, or going to take a shower until it was over, but he was also ashamed by the fact he desperately wanted to stay and hear more. He could tell you were on top, just by the position of your voice, and if he closed his eyes he could imagine it. You rocking your hips, breasts pressed between your arms, clawing at his chest, head tossed and eyes closed as your mouth fell open into a wanton moan.

His hand brushed against his cock throbbing in his shorts and a sound left him, which he quickly clamped shut, waiting to see if you had heard, but neither of you noticed. He wrestled with himself for a moment, but his lust outweighed his good sense and he slid his hand under the waistband.

He let out a held breath as he wrapped his hand around the base and paused, then slowly stroked up toward the head and shuddered, hearing your moans muffled through the wall only amplifying the feeling. He pushed the shorts down his hips with his free hand and brought himself out into the open, stroking himself steadily, letting his eyes fall shut again.

He hadn’t taken his friend to be the vocal type, not that he’d really thought about it, but Changkyun’s gruff groans and barely-audible words told Jooheon that you knew exactly what you were doing, and doing it well. Likewise, whatever Changkyun did to you must have felt amazing because you praised how thick and full he felt inside you, whimpering and moving a little faster.

He could have pictured you on top of him, doing everything he heard to him instead, and he did enjoy that mental image for a moment, but it drifted away into something else. Instead, he was right where he was now, only the wall didn’t exist, and he could watch you fuck his best friend, reaching down to take him into your hand while biting your bottom lip and looking into his eyes as you moaned out how good Changkyun made you feel. This alone made Jooheon pulse in his palm and he backed off for a moment so he wouldn’t finish too soon, wanting to wait for the both of you.

It wasn’t long before your voices amplified, and lost in the moment Jooheon let out a few needy mewls of his own, his hand moving faster as he strained his neck back and pushed his hips up into his fist. He heard your murmured cries, letting Changkyun know you were there, and in return his low voice demanded that you come for him.

 _Come for us_ , the voice in Jooheon’s head echoed instead, and as you lost control he shot his release all over his stomach, trembling as he came down off his high, listening to Changkyun finish inside you.

Reality hit him like a ton of bricks and his face burned hot with shame, laying in his bed weak and covered in his own fluids. He could now hear the two of you cleaning up, talking, laughing, and a wave of loneliness washed over his already vulnerable feelings.

He cleaned himself up and laid there for awhile, stewing in his own self-deprecation. When he decided to leave his bedroom, his timing couldn’t have been worse as he ran into you in the hall.

You were taken aback by his presence, your heart shooting into your throat as you realized he must have been home the whole time. Not only that, he was in the bedroom next door.

“Hey man,” Changkyun said casually, not even missing a beat.

You stared at Jooheon as he awkwardly greeted you, but something seemed off. His hair was disheveled, maybe he had been asleep? But he also looked flushed and had a tell-tale pink across his cheeks, eyes glazed over. He didn’t look too dissimilar from Changkyun right now in his post-coitus haze. Your eyes went a little wide.

They exchanged a brief conversation before Jooheon ducked away and Changkyun continued walking you out the door, on your way to dinner. You didn’t always go out afterward, usually you didn’t have time, but tonight he said he felt like treating you. You were distracted the entire way there until you sat down.

“Are you worried about Jooheon seeing us?” He asked over his menu, noticing your distraction and silence. “Because even if he knows I told you, he’s not going to rat us out.”

“It’s not that,” You shook your head, peering up at him and wondering if you could even bring it up. It could have just been you jumping to conclusions again.

He waited, knowing there was something on your mind.

“Didn’t he seem a little, I don’t know, flustered?”

Changkyun laughed, “Maybe. You think he heard?” He raised his eyebrows at you playfully.

“I think he more than heard. “ You mumbled, burying your face in your menu. Changkyun was quiet for a moment.

“You don’t think he-”

“I don’t know! It just seemed weird, that’s all.” You blurted out, feeling incredibly uncomfortable talking about it. Part of you felt embarrassed for him, not wanting to out him for a private moment. Another part of you felt increasingly turned on by the idea, that Changkyun had been right all along and he _did_ like you. The thought of Jooheon pining away to thoughts of you, touching himself. It made you blush hard and you fanned yourself with the menu.

“It’s hot in here, are you hot? Tell the waitress we need some water.”

When you looked at Changkyun, he was grinning and giving you that devious look that let you know he had a lot on his mind.

“It turns you on, doesn’t it?”

“What? No. Shut up!” You fidgeted with your napkin and wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“I know you better than you think I do,” He said, nudging you with his foot under the table. “I know you love attention, and not just mine.”

You stopped moving and glared at him, mostly because he was right, but you didn’t want to admit that. “What are you getting at?” You asked impatiently.

“I just think,” He started, shifting in his seat and looking up at the ceiling in an innocent gesture. “That the idea of us both is something you really, really like.”

You froze and your features pulled tight as a nervous tickle ran up your spine. His words could mean so many things, but did he actually mean..?

“Pardon?” You asked.

“Me and Jooheon,” He paused, “At the same time. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

You almost dropped your menu as that anxious tickle worked its way into your throat, and you started to cough.

“Where is the waitress with that goddamn water!?” You spluttered, pretending you hadn’t heard Changkyun. He was chuckling to himself, knowing he had pinned you down exactly where he wanted you.

“It’s something to consider.” He added casually, and you nudged him under the table back, but harder.

“I-…no. You’re crazy.” You said shaking your head, knowing he was just playing with you. Or was he?

“Why not?” He asked, leaning forward and lowering his voice. “I wouldn’t mind sharing.”

You stared at him for a long moment, his stupid smug face making you agitated but also trying to suppress the barrage of images his proposal brought into your psyche.

“Jooheon would never,” You countered, trying to find a way to squash this idea because as enticing as it all sounded in theory, the whole thing made you anxious.

“If he’s brave enough to do what we think he did today, then he definitely would.” Changkyun said factually as he sat back.

“Besides,” Changkyun laughed, “If he wants you as bad as I think he does, it wouldn’t take very much convincing on your part.”

“Are you suggesting I seduce your friend into a threesome?” You said, and almost wanted to hit yourself for letting yourself say it out loud with such nonchalance.

“Only if you want to,” He shrugged, then narrowed his eyes at you,”Which I think you do.”

He left the words to hang in the air as the waitress finally came by, and made sure to rub against your calf under the table as he smiled politely and spoke with her. You sat in silence, mulling over all of this new information and possibilities, intrigued by the idea


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’ve caught on to Jooheon’s feelings, but will he be willing to share?

Changkyun continued to tease you mercilessly about Jooheon, slipping the idea of a threesome into casual conversations, bringing it up at inappropriate moments, and even making comments in public that only seemed suggestive to you. You would nudge him, shush him, kick him under tables as your face turned beet red. 

But you hadn’t told him to stop, because you couldn’t deny it. Ever since the thought had been put into your head, it came up a lot. When you had a moment alone to think, in the shower, it was even showing up in your dreams but it always ended before anything good happened.

Jooheon was always nervous around you, now more than ever. He could play and joke if you were in a group setting but anytime you were even remotely alone, he couldn’t look you in the eye. It was flattering, but also frustrating. You found yourself wanting to get closer to him, and he made it nearly impossible.

Changkyun took note of this, and not only didn’t mind, but encouraged it.

“You just have to be more aggressive,” He told you, “Like you were with me.”

“I was not the aggressor in that situation,” You snapped, shooting him a look.

“Are you suggesting I seduced you all by myself?” He asked, placing a hand on his chest. “As complementary as that is, you were pretty bold.”

“Jooheon is different,” You shrugged, “He’s like a scared little puppy, I feel like if I make any sudden movements he’s gonna scurry away and hide.”

“Maybe we just have to get him in the right place, make him comfortable and let him know it’s okay.” Changkyun nodded to himself, hand to chin. “Then if he makes it clear he’s not interested, we move on. But, I think he is.”

You couldn’t believe the conversation you were having, and the idea of putting any of this into motion was equal parts terrifying and exciting. 

“We could find a way to get him to your place.” Changkyun said then. You usually didn’t go to your apartment because of your roommate. 

“And how do I get the place to myself.”

“Be honest with her, tell her you need some alone time, I’m sure she’ll understand.” He explained, and you hadn’t really thought about just being honest. You didn’t have to tell her the details. 

To your surprise, Changkyun was right. You mentioned to her the next day that you were seeing someone new and wanted to have some time with them, and she was more than happy to oblige you, mentioning that she had been planning to go away for a weekend to see family for some time now, and this was the perfect excuse to do so.

Once you had secured the time and place, Changkyun made work on Jooheon, mentioning that you were interested in making the boys dinner, but that everyone else was too busy. He lied, of course, but Jooheon didn’t need to know that. He laid it on thick, going on about how sweet you had been since you joined the team, how close you had gotten to them, and how sad you were that you weren’t able to show them this gratitude and marker of friendship. Jooheon was resistant for awhile, but Changkyun finally wore him down enough to convince him to come, just the two of them.

The night they both showed up at your apartment you had to suppress the fit of giggles that threatened to come up when you saw them there in the doorway together, still not believing what you were getting yourself into. You were giddy and nervous, but reminded yourself there was always the possibility he would say no.

Your main goal was to make him feel comfortable, doting on him in place of Changkyun. You set them up in the living room while you went to finish up dinner. You tried to listen in to their conversation as much as possible, which started off casual at first, but Changkyun started to plant the seed.

“It’s really nice of her to do this.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Jooheon was unusually quiet, probably confused and nervous.

You finished up the meal you had started before they arrived, and all ate together making small talk and jokes. Jooheon began to relax a little, and you were glad to see him smiling.

After cleaning up and settling back in the living room, Changkyun excused himself to the bathroom, giving you an encouraging look before you went.

You had planned a million ice-breakers, but were stunned into silence when Jooheon spoke up first.

“Can I ask you something kind of personal?”

“Sure,” You turned toward him.

“Are you and Changkyun like…you know…together?” He glanced down the hall to where his friend had gone.

“Not really.” You shook your head, “I mean, sort of.”

He listened carefully but wasn’t completely catching on.

“It’s not serious.” You tried to explain.

“So you’re just dating.”

“No, we’re just….having fun.” You cocked your head.

It seemed to dawn on him all at once, and you were honestly surprised he had thought it was romantic. 

“Does that bother you?” You asked, noting the look on his face.

“No, why would it?”

You knew you had to pick your next words carefully, you didn’t want him to know that you had noticed his noticing all this time. 

“Oh I just wasn’t sure if you approved of that sort of thing, you know your members being with staff and all.”

“It’s none of my business,” He stated firmly and it sucked all the air out of the room. You were starting to think maybe this was a lost cause. 

When Changkyun returned he noticed the tension immediately. “Did Jooheon tell one of his corny jokes or something?” He said, trying to lighten the mood and giving you a questioning look as he sat down. You half shrugged as if to say “I tried.”

“Maybe I should leave.” Jooheon said before he stood up.

“What? No, you don’t have to leave.” You said, then glanced back at Changkyun. “He knows.”

“How much does he know?”

“I know that you guys are fucking and didn’t bother to tell me.”

You were both taken aback by the abrupt and harsh tone of his voice, and at first you read it as anger, but slowly you realized it was jealousy, the kind of jealousy Changkyun had told you he sensed from Jooheon from the very beginning.

You reached out then, taking Jooheon’s hand. He looked back and down at you and you tugged a little, batting your eyes at him. “I want you to stay.”

His features softened, eyes darting to where you touched his hand. “Aren’t I just getting in the way? I’m sure you two want to be alone.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, actually.” Changkyun smirked, and Jooheon shot him a glance of confusion, before looking back to where you tugged at him again.

“We both want you to stay.”

He came back down to sit slowly, and you could almost see the thoughts running through his head.

“Jooheon,” You spoke his name quietly and lightly, leaning into him. “I know that you like me.”

His eyes were frantic between Changkyun and you, and then just you, your chest against his arm as your lips stopped just short of his ear.

“I like you, too.”

The tone was teasing and Changkyun smiled when he heard it, knowing there was no way Jooheon could resist it.

“What about…” He looked back at Changkyun, waiting for him to get upset or say something. 

“You already know that I like you, “ He joked, but Jooheon didn’t laugh. 

“The point is,” You continued, not wanting him to get too distracted. “We both like you, in different ways, and wanted to share what we have with you.”

Jooheon couldn’t comprehend what he was hearing, it was like everything he’d fantasized about for the past few months was coming true before his eyes and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Of course he’d imagined in detail what he would do to you, what they both would, but now that he was presented with the possibility he was afraid he might chicken out.

“Sorry can I-” He sucked in a breath, “I just need a couple minutes.”

He got up to use the bathroom, located in your bedroom, and you and Changkyun looked at each other in his absence.

“He wants to,” He smiled. 

“I don’t want to pressure him,”

“Oh, don’t worry, I think he’s just trying to rationalize a way to say yes.” Changkyun stood then and gestured to you, “Come on,”

You followed him down the hall, questioning his motives the whole way. He crawled into your bed happily and leaned up against the headboard. “Come here,” He opened up his arms and gestured with his hands.

You didn’t totally understand his plan, but you followed, crawling into his lap and laying with your back against his chest. He wrapped you up and buried his face in your neck, sinking his teeth in and making you squeal.

“We just need to show him all the fun he’ll be missing.”

He said it low against your ear when he pulled away, and you shivered in response. He started to trail kisses down your neck, and you closed your eyes, humming in approval.

The sound of the bathroom door had your eyes opening again, and found Jooheon standing at the end of the bed, staring at the two of you with a bewildered look.

“Welcome back,” Changkyun picked up your arm and waved at him. 

“What is-” Jooheon looked around like he was going to find a hidden camera.

“Come over here Jooheon, she wants you to. Don’t you, baby?” Chankgyun looked down at you, and you nodded as you locked eyes with Jooheon.

Jooheon stood there awhile longer, but there was a hesitation in his sway, like he was debating with himself.

“Don’t be shy, get over here.” Changkyun called out again, now taking both of your wrists and opening your arms up wide. “Look, she’s ready.” He smiled.

Jooheon started to inch toward the side of the bed, working his way over timidly to sit down, then scoot himself inward until he was in front of you. He had a hard time making eye contact, and you hadn’t imagined he was this shy, but even you had to admit the circumstances were unusual.

“Do you want to kiss her?” Changkyun asked, lowering his gaze. 

Jooheon nodded, almost in a daze.

“You want to kiss him, right?” He looked down at you now, flapping your arms playfully. You were glad Changkyun was here to take the lead and make things more fun and less awkward.

“Mhm,” You responded as you tipped your chin up, never looking away from Jooheon.

“Well then, that settles it.” Changkyun gave a “come hither” motion with your hand. 

Again, it took him a long time, but eventually Jooheon leaned in, and once he was close enough you came forward to capture his mouth before he could. It jarred him at first, but once he felt the softness of your lips against his, like in his very own dreams, he closed his eyes and kissed you back passionately.

“Took you long enough,” Changkyun chuckled as he let your arms go so you could wrap them around Jooheon’s shoulders and pull him in deeper. 

Right away you noticed the differences between kissing Changkyun and Jooheon. Changkyun was sensual and sometimes harsh, but in a way that made you weak in the knees. Jooheon was soft and tender but hungry, eager to feel you. 

Jooheon’s hands fell to your torso, giving himself some leverage over you, and Changkyun took the opportunity to lift your shirt up and over your chest, as if to invite his friend to touch you more. He broke away for a moment and glanced down at the exposed skin of your stomach and lace-clad breasts and swallowed hard, looking up into your face for confirmation.

You gave him a gentle nod and his hands slid up your sides to your chest, kneading your breasts in his palms, pulling his bottom lip under his teeth as he drank in the sight, you laying back fully against Changkyun’s chest, who also watched with rapt attention. 

Jooheon was still careful, not sure what to do with you next, but Changkyun was already on it, bringing his hands around you to undo the top of your pants, but not able to pull them off. He gestured to Jooheon, who took the hint and tried to gingerly pull them down your legs with your help. You were laid out in your underwear now and Jooheon simply stared.

“She’s pretty, isn’t she?” Changkyun smiled, bringing his hands behind you to undo your bra, which you let slide off your arms and away from you, and you could see Jooheon’s breath quicken.

You reached out for him, drawing him in, and when he came to you, you took him by his head and kissed him again. When you let go, his head ducked down to take a breast into his hand and your nipple into his mouth. The sudden heat of his tongue on the hardening bud took you by surprise and you gasped, arching ever so slightly against Changkyun.

You reached down and slid your panties off, then spread your legs around him, and he pulled back to see, fully naked and displayed for him, something he had been imagining for so long. 

“I think it’s your turn.” You said quietly, reaching out to tug on his shirt with a sly smile. Some of his uncertainty was melting away with his arousal, and he pulled the fabric over his head without a second thought. You reached out to trail your hands over the soft lines in his arms and chest, before letting them drop to the top of his pants. Changkyun was planting chaste kisses down the side of your neck and nuzzling your ear as you worked Jooheon’s clothing off until you were both bare. 

Jooheon hissed when you took his length into your hand, stroking him languidly and giving it a gentle tug toward you.

“Do you want to fuck me?” You asked with an air of innocence that drove him crazy, and Chankyun chuckled against your skin.

“Of course he does, he’s wanted you for months, haven’t you?” His friend teased, and Jooheon blushed as he be bowed forward into your touch.

“Are you sure?” He asked you quietly, and you were so used to getting tossed around by Changkyun that Jooheon’s sweetness took you off guard, but made your heart flutter.

You took hold of his hand and brought it between your thighs, pressing his digits against you, letting him feel how hot and wet you were. “I’m more than sure.”

Jooheon couldn’t suppress his groan, turning his fingers inward and pressing them into your slit, one finger entering you with ease and gently feeling you from the inside. You mewled, not expecting him to go further with his hand like he had, and suddenly there were two fingers now and he was curling them up against your sweet spot, your thighs trembling.

“Oh, she likes that.” Changkyun commented, feeling your body react against him, enjoying the show. “But you want his cock, don’t you?”

You moaned and could only nod in the affirmative, and Jooheon didn’t need to hear anymore. He pulled his hand away and gently scooted himself forward on his knees, placing a hand on your inner thigh to spread you wider and position himself at your entrance. Changkyun leaned forward over your shoulder so he could get a better look, and you both groaned in response to Jooheon’s cock sinking itself inside you in one fluid motion. 

“Does that feel good?” Changkyun whispered into your ear, his own heart-rate speeding up. 

“Nnnyes,” You managed, arching against him even more as Jooheon began to move fluidly in and out of you. 

“You can fuck her harder,” Changkyun spoke up, then smiled at Jooheon. “She likes it rough.”

Jooheon exhaled sharply and gave himself the leverage to thrust a bit harder, and you reacted just as Changkyun predicted.

Not satisfied with simply watching, Changkyun snuck one hand around your hip and between your legs, finding your clit with the pads of his fingertips and rubbing you in tight circles. His other hand went around your neck, fingers against your throat and you pushed your head back. Jooheon’s eyes widened at the way he manhandled you, but not only did you seem used to it, the sounds that left you and the way you tightened around his cock told him you liked it.

Jooheon closed his eyes for a moment, his arousal making his entire body feel electrified, and like he would lose it any second if he didn’t concentrate. He had waited this long to be apart of your fantasy, and he wasn’t about to ruin it so soon. 

“You’re so close, I can feel it.” Changkyun taunted you, flexing his hand against your throat. “Do you want to come all over his cock?”

You pulsed hearing his words, and Jooheon let out a panted “ah” at the feeling of it, gripping tight against his swollen length. Just the thought of you coming undone while he fucked you like this was almost too much.

He was desperate to make it happen, bowing forward and pounding into you hard, making you cry out as the orgasm built its way up. Between Changkyun’s hands and Jooheon’s cock you unraveled before you had a chance to warn either one of them, letting it wash over you in a hot wave. 

“That’s my girl,” Changkyun cooed as he relinquished your throat and pat his hand against your mound, making you twitch. 

You buried your face into Jooheon’s neck, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him down on you. You wrapped your legs around his hips and grinded your hips against him, riding out the last waves of your release but also propelling him toward his own.

“I want it inside me.” You rasped in his ear and that was all it took for him to follow you, whimpering as he pushed himself deep inside you. 

Even as you came down off your high, you could feel Changkyun hard through his clothing against your back and his chest rising and falling rapidly. 

Jooheon finally found the strength to roll away from you onto his back next to you, and watch as you pulled yourself up and turned around, kissing Changkyun deeply. He grabbed onto your head and pulled you against him.

Without speaking you pulled back and trailed yourself down his body, undoing his pants and pulling him free of his clothing. Your mouth found the head of his cock and he sucked in a breath through his teeth.

“I’m not going to last long, not after all that.” He laughed before it dissolved into a moan while you swirled your tongue around the tip. 

You held him at the base and took him as far into your mouth as you could, nudging the back of your throat and making your muscles flex around him as your tongue worked the shaft. He cursed and pushed a hand through your hair, gripping it tight to your scalp. 

Jooheon could feel his heart beating hard against his rib cage watching the both of you, and even though his body was spent he still felt aroused all over again at the sight of you deepthroating his best friend. He had never seen Changkyun lose his resolve like that, usually so calm and collected, but obviously even he could break under your touch.

“ _Fuck_ , just like that.” Changkyun pushed his hips up as he neared his end. You took him back in fully again and he groaned, pressing you down on him as he came, holding you there until you swallowed all of it.

You came up and wiped the corner of your mouth delicately before kissing him once more, him still holding your hair as you did so. Then you glanced over at Jooheon, disheveled and flushed.

You crawled over, and he sat up halfway to meet you. You took his face into your hands and grinned before kissing him, too. 

“Thank you,” You said as you pulled away, and kissed him once on the nose for good measure.

“For what? I should be thanking you.” He laughed breathlessly. 

All three of you laid there in a heap of sweat and exhaustion, chatting low and giggling like kids. You didn’t know what you had gotten yourself into, but for now it alright.

_To Be Continued_


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’ve kindled a perfect scenario for yourself being in a threeway FWB, but getting closer to Jooheon might have negative consequences.

As if things weren’t complicated enough, you had gone and added an additional worry to the mix in the form of Jooheon.

You weren’t sure after the first time whether this would be continuous, and neither did Jooheon judging by how he kept his distance from you after that one encounter. 

However, you found yourself thinking about that night far too often, and even though Changkyun could satisfy you all on his own, there was something different about the energy of that night, about Jooheon’s touch in particular, how it contrasted with Changkyun’s, and how both at the same time was nearly euphoric.

When you were finally able to corner him for a talk, he seemed apprehensive around you, until you finally got it out of him.

“I figured it was a fling kind of thing, just something the two of you wanted to try.”

“Well, we did try,” You almost laughed, “And we liked it.”

Changkyun had agreed with you, to your surprise. It ignited a voyeur streak in him he didn’t know he had, and the taboo of the situation made it all the more enticing. Plus, it was someone he knew and trusted. Someone from his inner circle who couldn’t use it as blackmail. 

Somehow, it happened again, unplanned this time. Everything and everyone in the right place at the right time, and it was just as good if not better than the first time. You had them both, one after the other, Changkyun first, you on top of him while Jooheon cradled your back and let his hands explore your body. Instead of focusing on the act like Changkyun had the first time, he whispered in your ear how good you looked taking his friend and how he couldn’t wait to fuck you next. 

Hearing him get more confident and vocal excited you, and when he bent you forward and took your by the hips, easing himself inside you, you saw stars, burying your face in Changkyun’s neck, his hands grabbing at your thighs while he told you what a bad girl you were for taking them both on the same night.

The biggest difference is that this time you stayed, all three of you in one bed, and slept peacefully between them. In the morning Changkyun had rolled over, toward the edge of the bed, but you were surprised to find Jooheon cuddling into your back. You blinked away the drowsiness from your eyes and smiled down at him, with his pouty lower lip and soft cheeks.

It became a strange kind of routine, a balancing act of remaining normal during work but finding time when the three of you could be together. It existed almost purely in the bedroom, but even when the three of you were locked away together there was more than just sex. You still laughed, talked, watched tv, ate together. It was like your own little private world, and whatever guilt and shame you harvested for what you were doing would melt away as soon as you were alone with them. It was never discussed out of the confines of the dorm or the occasional hotel room.

There had been a change, though. It was only within the last week and it wasn’t too obvious, Changkyun clearly had no idea, but you were getting good at reading Jooheon and his subtle mood shifts. You thought about asking Changkyun what to do, but decided against it after some thought. You wanted to approach Jooheon on your own first.

It was difficult to get him alone these days, but the opportunity finally arose on an afternoon all the boys were busy and you knew he’d be at the dorm by himself. You didn’t call or text, and Jooheon was alarmed when you showed up at the front door.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, glancing behind you to see if you were really alone.

“I just thought I’d surprise you.”

You invited yourself in, taking off your jacket and putting your things down. Jooheon looked unsure of himself, as if he wasn’t supposed to be alone with you.

“You don’t look too happy to see me,” You laughed, but his stern face didn’t break.

“Does Changkyun know you’re here?”

“No, does he have to?” You cocked your head to ask.

“I guess not, but-”

You walked a bit closer and Jooheon tensed up.

“But what?” You asked, reaching out to playfully poke him. “He’s not my keeper, you know.”

“I know,” Jooheon cast his eyes sideways.

“You’ve been acting weird all week,” You said, ready to launch right into the discussions since it was obvious even now.

“Weird?” He repeated, meeting your eyes again.

“Yeah, like kind of sulky and moody, what’s up? Is everything okay?”

He tried to paint on a more positive face, but it was painfully obvious. “I’m fine, what makes you say that? Probably just stress.”

“You’re a bad liar, Jooheon.” You said, then reached up and pushed some of his hair back. He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed at your touch. You knew the affect you had on him, it was obvious and you weren’t above using it to your advantage, especially if it was for his own good.

“Okay, there has been something bothering me.” He said as his eyes opened. “But i didn’t want to say anything, its dumb, and I’m sure it’ll just go away.”

You were extra curious now, 

You used both hands to slide down the underside of his arms and take his hands in yours, tugging him forward so he was closer, bodies almost touching.

“What is it? You can tell me anything.”

He hovered over you now, swallowing nervously as he stared down into your waiting gaze.

“I like being close to you and Changkyun, I like what we have,” He prefaced.

“But?” You asked, knowing there had to be a but.

“But sometimes I wish..” He trailed off, like the words dried up in his throat, eyes darting in a timid way. You tugged some more and nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“I wish I could be alone with you sometimes.” He said, voice lowering to an almost whisper.

Once the words registered, you couldn’t help but grin, moving your arms up to wrap around his shoulders. His own hands fell to your hips on instinct.

“You want me all to yourself, eh?” You asked, and he made a nonchalant tsking noise as he cast his head aside, clearly blushing.

You took him gently by the chin and made him look at you once more.”Why didn’t you just ask me?”

He looked stunned, eyes getting wider. “But Changkyun-”

“He’s not my husband, Jooheon,” You explained once more, since he still didn’t seem to get it. “He doesn’t decide what I do, or who I do it with.”

“I know,” He said again, “I just didn’t know how you felt about it, either.”

“I wouldn’t let you fuck me on a weekly basis if I didn’t like you,” You chuckled, making him finally smile a little, too.

“I didn’t know if I was just an accessory, an addition to something you already had. I didn’t know if you’d want me like that.”

His voice got more faint and nervous again as he spoke, and it made your heart ache. He was back to being the self-conscious thing you first encountered, and you didn’t want that, even if it was endearing. 

“Well, you have me alone now, “ You said, pushing yourself closer to him, “Why don’t you find out?”

There wasn’t much that needed to be said after that, you found yourself in his room in record time, but even in his eagerness it didn’t have the same frantic energy it did with Changkyun. You liked the chaos and aggression of the push and pull with Changkyun, but you found yourself also appreciating the practiced and insistent touches of Jooheon. He wanted to feel every part of you, let his hands wander and his mouth follow suit. 

Even after all the times you had spent naked under him, he still hummed appreciatively when he tugged your clothing away and drank you in, like it was the first time all over again. Where others rushed to feel and do, he took his time to admire.

You were surprised when he ducked between your legs and trailed kisses on your inner thighs, this wasn’t something you had the time to do usually. With Changkyun the three of you were so busy working out the logistics of who was fucking who that patient foreplay went out the window more often than not. You couldn’t even remember the last time someone went down on you and when his moist lips met yours you gasped and arched up toward him, and he moaned against you, pulling your hips closer. 

He lavished you with his tongue, dipping into your wetness and sliding it back up toward your clit to encircle and tease until you were squirming underneath him, fingers spreading into his hair. He peered up at you now and again to watch your reaction, partially to make sure you enjoyed every second of it, and partially because he got a thrill out of every sound and movement you made, a smile gleaming in his eyes as he worked more fervently to please you. The act had been enjoyable in the past, but no one had done it like this before, like the taste of you alone was enough for him.

You tightened your fist in his hair when you felt yourself getting close, panting harshly and trying to form the words. You didn’t need to say much, he closed his eyes and hummed “mhm”, encouraging you to let go. That was all you needed to fall over the edge, head back and hips up as you cried out your release. 

As you slowly came back to the real world, he lapped at your still pulsing core and around your clit for good measure and you shivered, letting out tiny whimpers at how over-sensitive it was.. You started to giggle and wriggle away from him, and he laughed as he pulled back, sprinkling a few kisses around your thighs for good measure. 

He crawled up your body to meet your mouth with his and you kissed, deep and wet, tasting yourself on his tongue. 

“You taste so good. I love making you come.” He murmured low against your mouth and it made your legs tremble.

You reached out to eagerly pull at his clothing, and he took the hint to help. When he was bare, you took him in your hand and stroked, looking him in the eye all the while, a playful smile upon your lips. It felt so intimate not having to think about a third person, just being in the moment together, and Jooheon looked back at you with a smolder that burned straight through your chest. 

He pushed himself up and grabbed onto your knees, tugging you down toward him and spreading you apart. The swift, somewhat aggressive movement surprised and aroused you, and you laid back to let him have whatever he wanted.

He toyed with you at first, stroking your slit with the head of his cock, pressing forward just a little but never enough to enter. You mewled and tried to rock your hips into him, but you could never get exactly what you wanted. You knew you had to do more.

“Take it, baby.” You grinned up at him, eyelashes fluttering. “It’s yours.”

Something changed in his demeanor immediately at your words, all the playfulness fading from his face as his eyes narrowed and he leaned forward, slowly pushing himself passed the threshold and sinking himself inside you. You cried out, grabbing onto his forearms and not meaning to dig your nails in, but he didn’t seem to mind. 

Instead, Jooheon was fully focused on fucking you as deep as he could, making sure that when he pulled out, he put everything he had back in, tilting his hips forward to make you feel every inch. 

You couldn’t help the noises that came out of you, or the way your knees buckled at his sides, or the vicious marks you left in his skin. You had never been taken with so much intent, especially not with the way he watched you the entire time, refusing to look away or close his eyes. That is, until you made sure on an inward stroke to tighten around him, gathering all the strength you could muster in your floor muscles to squeeze him and he faltered for a moment, a sound between a whimper and a moan falling from his lips as his brow creased.

“God, you feel-,” He could barely form words, “Fuck, you’re amazing.”

You smiled through your own moans, keeping up the ministrations, relaxing as he thrust himself forward and squeezing as he tried to pull back. You found a rhythm, both participating in making each other feel this way, and it was a moment of deep pleasure and connection. In the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but compare. You loved Changkyun’s grip on your throat and his rough, ragged pounding; but you loved this, too. It was different and unusual and satisfied a part of you that you didn’t even know you had been longing for.

You loved to watch the change in him, his timid sweetness melting into arousal, culminating in his furrowed brow and pouted lips as he fought to hold on to sanity. The passion practically radiated off of him and you drank it up, pulled it in, and let it consume you, too. His breath began to heave in his chest as he got close, and he didn’t have the strength to hold himself up anymore, letting most of his body fall onto yours, and you took him in your arms and pulled him in deep with your legs. 

A string of profanities and murmured praises left his lips as his hips staggered, finally pressing down deep into you to release. Through his panted, mumbled words one of them fell plainly on your ear. 

“Mine.”

He collapsed fully and breathed hard against your skin, and you stroked a hand from the back of his head down his neck, over and over, soothing his heartbeat back to normal, all the while wondering if you had really heard him say what you thought he did.

He finally pulled out, and you expected him to get up and clean off. Instead, he rolled to one side and pulled you with him, hugging your back, cradling you against his body and sprinkling kisses on your neck.

“Oh, we’re doing this.” You said, a little taken aback by the affection, but feeling yourself tremble and warm up at the feeling.

“Is that okay?” He asked quietly.

“Of course, I just haven’t done this in awhile.” You laughed, wondering if you had forgotten how to show physical care without sex.

“Changkyun doesn’t do this with you?” He asked, sitting up a little to peer down at you. He looked at you funny, like he was concerned.

“No, not really. We’re not really dating so I guess he doesn’t see the point.”

He scrunched up his nose hearing this. “I don’t see how you could do all that and not at least cuddle a little.”

You smiled and reached out to stroke and then pinch his cheek. “Not everyone is as soft as you.”

He narrowed his eyes now, “I’m not soft, I’m just affectionate.”

“You’re both, and that’s okay.”

Jooheon leaned back down, nuzzling into your neck, and something happened in your stomach and your chest at the same time that worried you.

You laid like that for almost an hour, idly chatting and letting fingertips play across skin. Taking a moment to decompress from everything was welcomed, even though now it was confusing your emotions more than ever.

Just as you thought about getting up, you heard the front door open, and both braced yourselves to listen for who it might be. You held your breath as you heard shuffling, it sounded like one person thankfully, but the odds of who it might be were not in your favor.

“Is anyone here?”

Changkyun’s voice rang out into the dorm and you both let out a sigh of relief, though now you had a new problem. You weren’t really sure how to explain the state you were in, even if technically it shouldn’t be a problem.

“Yeah,” Jooheon called back as he sat up to put on his tshirt and boxers. He went to the bedroom door just as Changkyun got to it, and when it opened his eyes went from Jooheon, straight behind him where you sat up in bed, pulling a sheet around your still naked torso.

You smiled at him sheepishly and gave a little wave, and the look on his face was indiscernible. Mouth and jaw pulled tight, eyes piercing. Then, all at once, he broke into a smile and a chuckle.

“Did I interrupt something?” He asked, but something about his tone and the over-effected way he laughed made you feel uneasy. He was obviously faking all of it.

“Uh, no, actually. Not anymore.” Jooheon rubbed the back of his neck and couldn’t look his friend in the eye.

“Well are you staying for dinner?” Changkyun asked as he turned and walked away from the room. He kept on rambling about the take out he just brought home, and Jooheon looked at you and shrugged, not sure what to make of it either.

You got up and dressed, and met the both of them outside the room.

“I should be going.”

“You don’t want to eat with us?” Jooheon asked.

You looked down at the food, then back up across the table at Changkyun. You didn’t want to think it, and you definitely didn’t want to say it, but something about the way he avoided looking at you, busying himself with other things, made it obvious he was hurt. 

“Not tonight, I’ll catch you guys around.”

You went to say goodbye as you always did, placing a hand on Jooheon’s arm since he was the closest, and reaching up to kiss him on the cheek. You moved toward Changkyun to do the same, and he barely lifted his head, choosing not to acknowledge you afterward either. You could almost feel how cold he was.

On the ride home, you sank into the backseat of the taxi and closed your eyes. What had you done now?


	5. Chapter 5

Just as you were able to read the shifts in Jooheon’s moods, you could do the same with Changkyun, but he was less subtle about it.

There was a heat that radiated off of him when you came near, and not the kind you were used to. His tone was deep and curt when you spoke at work, though it wasn’t unusual to appear casual in your professional environment. But this was different. This read like anger.

You hadn’t had the chance to be alone with him since he walked in on you and Jooheon at the dorm. Their schedule was getting hectic again and they barely had the time to breathe, much less do anything else. 

“Do you think he’s avoiding me?” You asked Jooheon in a hushed tone as you stood at the back of the room, looking busy with accessories.

Jooheon shrugged, feigning ignorance, but when he glanced at his friend you could see his gears turning.

“If he was upset about it, I feel like he would tell us. He’s not exactly shy about his feelings.” Jooehon offered with a small, reassuring laugh. 

“Has he said anything to you?”

“Not really.”

You sighed, knowing you would have to bring it up to him eventually.

For now, you focused on your job, or at least tried to. Every day, you asked yourself if this was a mistake, if all the fun was worth the turmoil you might find yourself in if someone got too jealous. You didn’t understand why now, when he had never once expressed even a hint of it before. He made it apparent since day one that it was exclusively physical, and he didn’t even bat an eye at sharing you with his best friend and co-worker. If anyone should be okay with it, it would be him.

There was more to it than that, though. You couldn’t help but think back to what it felt like being alone with Jooheon, his care and precision, his tenderness and his words. He didn’t treat you like a thing to be discarded and it was becoming apparent that you were more than a physical fancy to him. 

He could hardly help himself sometimes. The way that Changkyun felt compelled to seduce and play with you, Jooheon often had to stop himself from being too affectionate. It was getting to the point that the others teased him about it, and that didn’t help your situation with Changkyun one bit.

The worst part was that you liked it. You blushed and felt the slightest hint of butterflies from time to time that you put a great deal of energy into squashing. Catching feelings was the last thing you needed, and you were convinced it was only because it had been so long since you felt something other than lust. Plus, there was this profound sense of guilt you had for it, like you were cheating on Changkyun somehow.

Just as you were formulating a plan for how to approach him, you received a message out of the blue. He would be alone tonight and he wanted you to come over. The abrupt and welcoming message threw you off-guard, but you happily accepted the invitation. 

When he invited you in, his cold demeanor hadn’t changed much, and you wondered what his intentions were. You were anxious, watching him put something on the TV and meander around the kitchen before coming to sit next to you. He was surprisingly relaxed, but you could feel the invisible wall he put up, even if he didn’t realize it.

“Are we going to talk?” You asked after a few minutes of silence.

“About what?” He asked almost too quickly in response. His gaze was hard-set into you as he turned and you felt challenged. That’s when the fear started to dissipate and boil up into anger. You had nothing to be sorry for.

“You know, I don’t appreciate all this attitude you’ve been throwing at me lately.” You said sternly, and you could tell he didn’t anticipate push-back this early into the conversation.

“I’ve barely spoken to you.” He laughed, and there was something smug about it that only pushed you further. You remembered being in relationships in the past and just knowing that a fight was brewing, and this was exactly like that.

“You’ve been passive-aggressive for over a week now, will you just tell me what's wrong?” You sighed, already exasperated. You thought being in a physical relationship only meant that you could escape these kinds of conversations. Apparently not.

He turned away and you could see his jaw tighten, like he was holding back.

“Is it about me and Jooheon?” You asked, knowing that was the only thing it could be.

He looked back again just as quickly, eyes narrowed. “Maybe it is, but what does it matter?”

Finally, something you could work with.

“You couldn’t just tell me you were jealous?”

He laughed, “Who said that?”

“Oh my God,” You rolled your eyes and reacted with your entire body. “This is exhausting, why are men such babies about everything? Just communicate like an adult, Jesus. Why are we even fighting? We’re not married, this is pointless.” You rambled, not even looking at him because you were lost in your own frustration. When you stopped, he was half-smiling at you.

“I like when you get all flustered.”

You blinked and closed your mouth, then scowled as the words sunk in. “What?”

“You’re right, there’s nothing to fight about. I got a little upset about it, so what?”

“Oh, so you’re admitting it now?”

He edged himself across the couch so he was closer to you. “Fine, you want the truth?”

“Preferably,” You nodded.

“It wasn’t anything as petty as jealousy, I don’t get jealous.”

You narrowed your eyes, unsure what to make of his response, but curious to let him continue.

“I felt something different, and I didn’t really know how to process it quite yet, so I took some time to myself to think about it.”

He reached up and ran a finger from underneath your chin across your jaw line, his eyelids hanging low. You felt your heart rate speed up and cursed yourself for it.

“And what was that?” You asked quietly.

“I felt, hmm,” He mused for a moment before grinning. “Possessive.”

You swallowed the sound that threatened to part from your lips. Instead meeting it was an inquisitive “Oh?”

“I don’t own you.” He clarified, then let his eyes drift down, “But I do, don’t I?”

It was all part of the game. Realistically, out in the waking world, you were two capable adults with independent minds and the freedom to feel and do as you pleased. But once the door closed and you were under him, you knew you would let him do almost anything. It was the dynamic you both agreed upon from the first night, letting go of your inhibitions and self-imposed restraints and letting him have the control. It was the thing you longed for, the thing that kept you coming back to him.

“I’m a rational person, so I knew I couldn’t just be upset with you over something so normal and something you have every right to do.” He explained, then his voice deepend as he leaned in closer, “But I also couldn’t help picturing all the ways I was going to make you mine again.”

That word, mine, echoed in your head. Someone else had also uttered it to you in a moment of passion recently, and it sent a shiver down your spine. You had two people who seemed to want you desperately, and while you knew logically this was dangerous, it also excited you.

“You put me through all this just to tell me something I already knew?” You asked, and he smiled. 

“Would an apology help?”

You thought about it for a moment before answering. “I think that’s fair.”

He took you swiftly by the wrist and stood up, tugging you along. You fumbled for a moment before you stood and let him lead you to his bedroom.

You barely had time to process what was happening, one minute arguing on the couch and now here he was sitting you down on the edge of the bed, leaning down and kissing you before he knelt on the floor in front of you.

“What are you doing?” You asked, his hands trailing up your bare calves, up to your knees where the bottom of your skirt stopped and rested over your thighs. He then gripped your legs and pulled them up off the ground, causing you to lose balance and fall back onto the bed with a squeak. He pushed your legs open and the skirt fell back, too, exposing what was underneath.

“I’m apologizing.”

The initial shock wore off and you felt your cheeks warm as he laid a hand over your clothed center and pressed, teasing you for a moment before slipping his fingers underneath and feeling between your folds.

“Hm, you’re already wet but I know you can do better than that.”

He gripped the fabric and pulled it hard, forcing your legs up and together to rid you of the garment. When you let them fall back on either side of him, he wasted no more time, pushing your thighs apart and ducking his head down to taste you.

A sharp moan left you without warning and your hands fell to his hair. It had been a long time since he’d done this, and you almost forgot what his tongue felt like bearing down on your clit, rolling over the flesh and sucking you into his mouth. Changkyun abandoned this stimulation to travel downward, and you gasped unexpectedly when his tongue forced its way inside you, hands pressing back on your thighs to get deeper. Your fingers gripped his locks tight as you arched back and almost couldn’t take it. 

He pulled back for a moment, mouth glistening as he observed you, a low satisfied hum emanating from his chest.

“Look at what I do to you, you’re a mess.”

You blushed and closed your eyes tightly, feeling both aroused and embarrassed, and could only moan in response.

“Turn around.”

His voice was gruff as he stood up, and you let your feet fall gently to the floor as you sat up and stared up at him in awe for a moment. He was undoing his belt, looking down at you as he licked your juices off his lips.

“You heard me.”

You quivered as you went to turn over, and as your knees hit the bed he was already yanking the skirt and the rest of your clothing off you. Suddenly you were naked, kneeling on your hands and knees and arching your hips up as you peered back over your shoulder. 

He had discarded his own clothing and took his hard cock into one hand, stepping forward and deliberately brushing it against your entrance. You mewled and pressed back, trying to let him enter you, but he resisted.

“Do you want it bad?” He asked with a smirk.

You thought about making a sarcastic remark, knowing he was enjoying playing this game with you, but instead you countered him the only way you knew would actually make a blow to him.

You reached back and pulled yourself open, biting your lower lip and giving him a wanton yet demure stare. “Yes, please.”

His eyes darkened and the smile fell away from his face, he let out a rough, low sound as he grabbed your hips and aligned his cock with you. 

“I know I’m not the only person who can turn you on,” He started before leaning forward, sinking his cock deep into you just as he grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled your head back so his lips came as close as they could to your ear, “But I’m the only person who can give it to you like this.”

With that, his hips snapped into a pounding rhythm, fucking you like only he could, hard but with intent, making you grip the sheets in your hands and your legs to tremble. This was the moment when you were his, when he made it clear you belonged to him, at least for right now, and you embraced it. You craved it.

The harder he fucked you the weaker you became, arms starting to wobble in an attempt to hold yourself up. His thrusts were unrelenting, like he had been storing up all his energy just for this moment. 

The hand that still held your hair dropped down to your shoulder and he stopped briefly to pull you up. You wavered, dazed and shaky as you fell back against his chest and his arms circled under yours. One came up to lock your throat in his hand, and the other forced itself between your thighs, slick with your arousal. You groaned and arched against him, not sure which one you liked better.

Then he started to move again, thrusting up into you steadily, burying his cock to the hilt before letting gravity pull him back out just to do it again. His fingertips found your clit and he rubbed circles around the wet, swollen flesh as his other hand tightened around your neck.

“All of this is mine,” Changkyun growled against your ear. “Your body, your pleasure, your cunt. I own this.”

He was always rough, always commanding and always made you feel like you were his, but this was different. Unlike his typical playful candor, he sounded serious. The passion and possessiveness was overwhelming, somehow equal parts terrifying and exhilarating and you didn’t even consider stopping. Instead, his consuming words rasped heavily into your ear were pushing you toward a toe-curling, full body orgasm you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to.

You felt so exposed like this, nothing to hold on to, so you reached back and dug your nails into his thighs as your pleasure mounted. 

“I can’t,” You near-sobbed, trying to tell him you couldn’t hold on anymore.”I’m-it’s too much.”

He knew, he could read your body like the back of his hand; your shallow breaths and clenching muscles, slurred words, all tell-tale signs that your end was near. 

“Don’t hold back,” He said through his teeth, “Give me what's mine. Come for me.”

You sucked in a lungful of air as your eyes slammed shut, body pulling taut, then released it all in a long moan, bowing into him, squirming in his arms as you pulsed around his cock and sank your nails deeper in his skin. As you rode the last wave, he released you, letting you fall forward onto the bed and grabbing onto your hips to pull you flush against his pelvic bone, spluttering moans against the back of your neck as he came deep inside you.

You couldn’t hold yourself up anymore, collapsing face first on the bed and wrapping your arms under your head, breathing hard and dripping sweat. Changkyun managed to hold himself over you, but rested his forehead between your shoulder blades and panted against your moist skin.

He finally pulled himself from you and fell heavy on the bed next to you, and you peered up from over your arm.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, eyes glassy as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to control his pounding heart.

“For what?” 

“I kind of got out of hand there,” He rolled his head toward you and forced an awkward laugh. 

“It’s okay,” You rolled over on your side facing him, cheeks tinged with pink. “I liked it.”

The humor eased from his features as he looked at you for a long moment. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“I sort of lied earlier,”

“Oh?” You gave him a curious look, though you could guess what he was going to say.

“I may have actually been a little jealous. I was just trying to save face before.”

“I mean, the way you just fucked me made that abundantly clear.”

For the first time in all the times you had been with Changkyun, he blushed.

“I didn’t want to be petty about it, I don’t know what came over me.” He looked away. “It was fine when it was the three of us, it felt more like Jooheon was just an addition to something you and I already had. But when I saw just the two of you….” He trailed off with a sigh.

You couldn’t help but smile a little bit, it was nice to see him vulnerable for once. 

“How did it happen?” He asked suddenly, looking back at you with a sense of urgency, to your surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean did you call him? Did he call you? I’m curious.” He said, trying to seem vaguely interested but you already knew it was more than that. You decided to humor him.

“I came over to talk to him. He had been acting distant, as you recall, and I wanted to know why.” You answered with a half shrug.

“Why was he distant?”

“Same reason you were. Feeling a little jealous and being too proud to just talk to me about it.” You smiled and he had a laugh at himself.

“This is going to sound weird, and probably selfish, but..” He faded out, waiting to continue. 

“But?” You encouraged.

“What does he have that I don’t? I mean, what does he do, that makes you want to be with him?”

You hadn’t expected that question, but it did seem natural now that he asked it. His ego was hurt, he was used to being the one who satisfied you, the one you came running to for your urges. 

“It’s...different with him. Not necessarily better, just different.” You tried to explain.

“Care to elaborate?” He asked, becoming visibly antsy to find out.

“I don’t know, he’s ...tender.” You struggled to find the words. “It’s not rough but it's passionate. And it’s not boring, but it's kind of soft and makes me feel precious.”

Changkyun’s face looked troubled as you spoke. “That makes sense.”

“Like I said, it’s not better. I like what you and I have, but sometimes I just want-”

“You want to feel loved.”

You blinked at him in surprise. The word love was troublesome to you. You had thought you were in love, once. It was foolish and naive and ended terribly, so you decided you would avoid those feelings if at all possible. But maybe he was right? Maybe you missed that feeling. But that didn’t mean you were in love, or that Jooheon-

“Jooheon is in love with you.” He spoke bluntly, cutting off your thoughts. Now your eyes widened even more and you spluttered out a laugh. “What? No…”

“He hasn’t told me or anything, but I can tell.”

You couldn’t believe that at all. Maybe he had a crush on you, but love?

“The problem is,” Changkyun reached out and pushed a stray piece of hair away from your eyes.

“I think I might be, too.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get complicated

“Listen, this is crazy,” You attempted to get your bearings on all the information you had just received. You sat up, gathering some of the blankets to pull over your front, unable to have this conversation so exposed.

“You’re not in love with me, and neither is Jooheon. I think we’re all just in over our heads and maybe we should just relax.” You explained diligently and you saw Changkyun smirking from where he lay. Then he actually let out a chuckle.

“Does that scare you?” He asked, which made your brow furrow.

“What? Scare me?” You replied, then scoffed like it was ridiculous.

“The idea that we could both be in love with you, that’s terrifying to you, isn’t it?” Now he sat up too, both facing each other.

“Of course not, I just don’t think it’s true. These feelings never came up before, why would they now?”

“Oh come on,” He rolled his eyes and laughed. “Jooheon has definitely been making puppy eyes at you since the very beginning, we all knew he was going to get there eventually. And you and I…..well that’s more complicated.”

It was, you couldn’t deny that. It had always been more than sex, but you wouldn’t have called it love, either. Honestly, you were basing that off what you knew of love and not what you had experienced of it. The word love made you think of chaste things, soft moments and gradually developing romantic feelings. Nothing you did with Changkyun felt like that.

“I’ve never been jealous in my life.” He spoke then, “So when I had those feelings I really had to think about them.”

“And what did you conclude?”

“It's not like anything I’ve ever felt for someone before, that’s why it's so confusing. All I know is that I want to be around you. I want to be _with_ you, and I want you to be with me.”

His words came calm and collected, deliberate in their intention, and that made them all the more striking and real. He wasn’t one for being vulnerable like this, and it gave you that feeling. The one that swirled through your stomach and made your cheeks tingle. 

Jooheon had given you that feeling, too, with his gentle touches and reserved smiles. You realized what danger you were in, not wanting to give either one of them up but not seeing a way you could have it all. It was fine when it was physical, but now felt somehow unfair. How could there be enough of you? You still didn’t even believe just one of them could feel that way, much less both. 

“I have a lot to think about.” You said quietly, and Changkyun nodded, solemn but understanding. 

He said no one would be home for a while, and opened up an offer for you to stay longer, but you declined, and saw the trace of disappointment in his eyes. It was weird to see him act like this. Just a day ago you were questioning whether or not he saw you as more than just an object, now he was professing things like love. Things had turned around so quickly you were barely able to keep up.

You purposely kept your distance after that, needing time to sort things out. You hadn’t told Jooheon anything other than feeling like you needed time to yourself, and he respected that even if there seemed to be some concern in his response. You didn’t want to put him on the spot again, especially since this news of his supposed feelings came from a third party. Sometimes if you caught him laughing or saying something cute you wanted to reach out and touch him, but shook the feeling off.

Changkyun checked on you occasionally through texts, but stayed away from you in person except for when he had no choice. This was the most professional he had ever been and something about it felt wrong. You missed his teasing, his little pokes and prods throughout the day, things he did to keep you on your toes and “remind you who you belonged to”, as he liked to joke. Just the thought of it sent a shiver through you.

The fact that you yearned for them both in equal doses only complicated things further. Sometimes you thought it would be better to forget the whole thing, quit your job and move on, putting this little experimental excursion behind you as an interesting part of your younger days. Surely if you backed out now, it wouldn’t feel so bad? 

But the longer you kept yourself separate from them, the more the want grew. 

Then a text came through one afternoon, not from Changkyun but Jooheon.

“I know you need some time,” It started, then continued, “but I’d like to talk to you, if that’s okay?”

Always so sweet and careful.

You were worried, though. You didn’t know what he wanted to say, and you still hadn’t figured out what _you_ wanted to say.

You agreed, and since he said it would be brief you chose a café that was small and quiet, hidden away from potential prying eyes. 

“Sorry if I’m bothering you.” He said, looking down into a cup of black coffee.

“It’s fine,” You forced a smile. “What’s up?”

“I know you said you needed some time alone and I’m sorry I interrupted that-”

“It’s fine.” You repeated, and he nodded before he continued speaking.

“I just don’t think it’s really necessary. I know you’re probably spending time with Changkyun still and I just wanted to tell you it’s okay.”

You opened your mouth to correct him, but closed it when you saw he wasn’t done speaking.

“You can tell me you don’t want to see me anymore, it’s fine, there’s no reason to drag this out.” He forced his own smile, it was heavy and not very convincing. His eyes darted away quickly.

“Jooheon,” You sighed before you continued. “I haven’t been seeing Changkyun, either.”

His head perked up, surprise all across his face. “You haven’t?”

“No, I haven’t been around either one of you.”

“Oh, well,” He fumbled for a moment, trying to re-work his thoughts.

“In that case, if you’re trying to decide where we should go from here, I just wanted to tell you it’s alright if you don’t choose me.”

_Choose_ me. He looked like he regretted saying it like that. It was, more or less, his own subtle way of confessing.

“To be honest, I’m a bit confused right now.” You spoke then, and he listened intently.

“I don’t really know who feels what about who,” You continued with a laugh, and you saw something tug at his mouth, too.

“From the beginning, I knew you and Changkyun had something...different.” He cleared his throat to say, and you tried to suppress a grin. 

“And I thought I was just tagging along, but then you came over that day and-...well, you know.” He trailed off and you saw his cheeks flush a bit. It was funny to think of him as shy or embarrassed by it, especially after all the things he had said and done to you behind closed doors. You had to will yourself to not get distracted by the memories.

“I was hoping you might,” He stopped himself, looking ahead at you with a sober expression.

You tilted your head to the side, indicating that he could go on, but he swallowed hard and seemed to get nervous. You were getting impatient with him, you wanted to know if what Changkyun said was true.

“You were hoping I might have romantic feelings for you?” You stated as plainly as possible, and now he was fully red from neck to ears, shifting uncomfortably and letting out a timid chuckle.

“Yeah.” He almost whispered, and you felt your stomach drop. What might have otherwise been a very sweet confession instead gave you a sense of dread. Now you knew for sure they both felt this way about you, even if you were still skeptical about Changkyun.

But that wasn’t the question right now. The question was about what _you_ felt, and you could deny it all day but you knew it was true from the start. The reason you even felt comfortable inviting him in to your tryst was because he was loving, kind, playful, and exactly the sort of person who made you feel cared for. These were things that shouldn’t matter in a sexual exploit, but were the things you most looked forward to when he was around. 

“I do.” The words slipped out before you were ready, but once it was out there you couldn’t go back. It dawned on him slowly and the way his face lit up made your heart ache.

“But, I still need time. I have a lot of things to sort out.”

He nodded, serious once more. “Of course.”

You mumbled through some chit-chat before deciding to leave, standing and glancing around to make sure no one could see. You reached up and kissed him on the cheek, and watched his lips curl and his eyes crease into an adorable smile. 

You left feeling relief in some areas and worse in others, and you knew you needed to talk to Changkyun again. 

You gave it a couple more days before you built up the nerve to ask him, and he gave you a time he would be alone for you to swing by. You told yourself that no matter what happened, you wouldn’t let him charm you into bed again, as he was one to do.

When he invited you in that evening, there was a distance about it. He wasn’t cold, like before, but he definitely wasn’t touching you or being overly friendly, either. He offered you something to drink, which you turned down, and then you made your way over to the couch. There was silence for a long while, and you could tell he was letting you lead. Since he wasn’t one for small talk, you went straight into your first thought.

“There’s a blockage.” You started and he peered up at you with a confused furrow.

“Like, there’s this wall I have with you. I can be so vulnerable and open when we’re having sex but then its like everything shuts down afterward.”

“Oh?” He seemed genuinely intrigued by this revelation.

“I figured out that's why I had so much trouble believing you would be in love with me. Because if you are, you’ve never really shown it.”

This seemed to surprise him. “And here I thought I was being totally transparent.” He laughed, but when he looked away there was a sense of dejection. 

“We agreed that there’s always been something more,” You reiterated from your last conversation, “But it feels like it’s just beyond the surface, like I can’t quite reach it.”

“So what, you want me to get all mushy like Jooheon does?” He asked, framed as a joke but you could detect the edge of sarcasm in his tone that told you it actually bothered him, maybe even made him angry. 

“I didn’t say that.” You shook your head. “But you think there would be something, anything, that would show me I’m more than an object to you.”

He seemed to wince at your words and you could tell this was difficult for him, but you didn’t have any idea how to help him. 

“Yesterday, when you said you wanted to be with me?” You started, leaning in so you could be closer to him. “I felt that, when you were just being honest with me.”

“I’m always honest with you,” He met your eyes, “It just takes some time.”

“Don’t I know it,” You laughed, recalling his little pity party when he found you with Jooheon.

“It doesn’t always have to be words, you know.” You reached out and picked up his arm by his wrist, and it hung limp and heavy in your grasp as he watched. “If you’re not good with those, there are other ways.”

You don’t know why you were so nervous, considering the other ways this man had touched you, but you trembled a little as you brought his hand to your face and nuzzled into his palm before placing a delicate kiss on his knuckles, and you smiled when you felt him relax, a small sigh leaving his lips.

He opened his hand and cupped your face, and you felt your stomach do a somersault when he stroked his thumb over your cheek. It was the softest he had ever caressed you and it spoke volumes.

“See?” You said quietly, looking up at him 

He looked content for a moment, but you watched in real time as his face slowly fell back into his somber expression, and his hand fell away from you.

“I can’t love you like he does.” He spoke, and it felt like a sharp crack through the tenderness, stinging you in the process. 

“Even if it’s the same feelings, you deserve someone who knows how to do it right.”

He didn’t know it, but these moments were when his veneer slipped off and you really saw him, and you liked what you saw. 

You wanted to tell him there was no right way, and whatever way he felt to do it was just fine. But you still didn’t know where you stood, and speaking to them both had only made things harder on you. All you had done is confirm that they did care about you, and you cared about them, too.


End file.
